Here are some joke lists that I compiled from various sources. Please keep your sense of humor with you at all times.

Jeff for President  -  Jeff in Y2K!!

Once again, I am proud to announce `Jeff for President'

I have sat by too long, watching fools and incompetents mucking things
up for what was once a great country.

My Platform
(the NO BS Platform)

You want guns?  We got `em.
Tax breaks for lessons.
Shoot all intruders and ask questions later.
Shoot a gun banner (or any Consitution rapist) and win valuable prizes!

You want an abortion?  Go get one.
Localities will be forced to enforce the rules on disturbances.
Violators (not peaceful protesters) will be hauled off and prosecuted.
Shoot a clinic blocker or bomber and win valuable prizes!

You want healthcare?  Pay for it.
What do I look like?  The Great Provider?
This is the government, dammit, not your parents.
I'll make it work right, but I'm not gonna tax you for it.
Shoot a double-biller and win valuable prizes!

You want welfare?  You got it.
For about 6 months to a year, perhaps less.
We're not gonna cover your butt so you can produce more potential
recipients.  You're on then you're off.  No excuses.  Get a job.
Shoot a welfare cheat and win valuable prizes!

Taxes?
We're slashing them.  We have to get our own house in order before we
start stealing your money.  No more pork.  We're minimizing government
to cost you less!  Big Sale!  This term only!  No more hundred dollar
hammers.
Shoot a tax and spender and win valuable prizes!

Religion?
We're removing it from government.  We're not gonna have your kids
sitting through school led prayer.  They can pray on their own time or
quietly.  We're for science, not silence!  Some people preach tolerance.
My platform is one of INtolerance.  I don't care what you do, just keep it
out of my face.
Shoot Jesse Helms and win valuable prizes!

Immigrants?
You best bring some money or be prepared to WORK, like all of our
relatives did when they came over.  You're not coming here and instantly
getting the same benefits that we all have to WORK to pay for.  Borders
will be vigorously guarded.  No more boatloads of ANYONE getting in.
We'll dump them all back at the country of origin.
Shoot someone entering illegally and win valuable prizes!

Justice?
We're gonna git us some.  No more third, fourth, and eighth chances.
Let's make the criminals afraid to walk the streets instead of the
honest, law-abiding citizens.
Shoot a mugger and win valuable prizes!


Am I in yet?