This is a list compiled from various sources. If you can't read this without feeling the overwhelming need to flame me via email, go elsewhere - thank you

Here is the Definitive Cobain Joke List

 All these Cobain references keep lending themselves to commentary.

 I'll try to stop.
 

Yeah, right. :)

 (Teen Spirit...)

 Tried the pill route
Didn't do it
But the shotgun
Went right through it

I'm so stupid
It's contagious
Hope my bandmates
Get 12 guages.
 

Oh I kill me.
(But not as well as Cobain)

Q) What is the ultimate guage of Cobain's success?
A) a 12 guage

Q) How many Cobains does it take to change a lightbulb?
A) Four.
One to be depressed about it
One to take herion over it
One to sing a bad song about it
And one to shoot it

Cobain was so concerned about keeping custody of his infant that he shot himself.

I guess Jaguar owners are now terribly upset that their chance at owninga `collectible guitar'
has been shot to hell, so to speak.

The worst has already happened though..... radio morons are already comparing Cobain to Jimi.

I have to go now... I'm gonna ralf.

You know, I found that when you try to kill yourself, drugs are just
not a sure-SHOT method. That's why when I killed myself I used the new
Remington SURE-KILL SUICIDER SHOTGUN. It has been specially designed for
those of us who want to take our own lives. And, it's gauranteed to
DO IT in a macho, gutsy manner that will leave your brain splattered all
over for that really cool image. The SUICIDER features a short barrel,
no stock to get in the way, a reversed trigger that's easy to operate,
and a special soft foam rubber mouth grip attached to the barrel end.
Not only is it comfortable (no more biting down on cold metal), BUT
it also insures that gun will do the most damage possible while leaving
your teeth and jaw intact so you will be a good-looking corpse!

So, if you're thinking seriously about suicide or are just bored:
run out and get the new Remington SUICIDER. IT'LL BLOW YOU AWAY!

And, it makes a great Christmas gift for that suicidal season."

Re-releases
Due to lead now
I'm more famous
Cause I'm dead now......YEA

In the sun, in the sun...I will be,
rotting...rotting away, away.

What else can they say,
I have got my way.
My child never knew,
dead before she grew.
Wife can go to hell,
Suicide is swell.
Nirvana is no more,
Matters not cause Geffen's makin millions now.

In the sun, in the sun, I won't be,
buried....forever in the darkness, falling.

collect his thoughts?

With a squeegee.
 

What was Kirt Cobain's last hit?

The Floor.

******************************

What does Kurt Cobain and the group Nine Inch Nails have in common?
: Answer: A Head Like A Hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q: WHY COULDN'T KURT COBAIN BECOME A PROFESSIONAL BOXER?
A: BECAUSE HE CAN'T TAKE A BLOW TO THE HEAD!

What does Kurt Cobain smell like now?
I don't know but its sure not Teen spirit

Have you seen the new MTV show? Kurt Cobain: Plugged.

Q) What do JFK, Curt Cobain, and Bill Clinton all have in common?
A) They each have (or have had - in JFK's case) half a brain, and Gore on
their backs.

Q) What do Cobain and Wesley Alan Dodd have in common?
A) Hey man. Just shut up and be glad they're dead.

(Q) What do Kurt Cobain and Freddie Mercury have in common?
(A) They both sucked a tube and died.

What was the last thing Kurt said before his face got blown away?
"S***, I thought this was a microphone!"
OR
"Is this mike on?"

Or you could follow what a Quebec public school teacher did with the
demented and apparently gramatically flawed suicide note of Marc Lepine,
the famous Ecole Polytechnique gunman and make it a grammar exercise for
your students.

Q. Who makes less money than Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic?
A. Kurt Cobain

Q) what's the first thing that went through his mind when he pulled the trigger?
A) His nose!

what's the tribute album gonna have on it?
1) "Alive" by Pearl Jam
2) "Bullet in your head" by Rage Against the Machine
"I hate myself and want to die" - who else, Nirvana
"Suicide Solution" (i forgot, Ozzy?)
"Kill yourself" -S.O.D.
"I shot the devil" Suicidal Tendencies
or "War inside my head" or "Suicidal failure" or ssuicide's an alternative" by the same.
Aenother one bites the dust"-Queen
Hey Kurt say hi to Freddie for us.
"Head Like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails

Q: What is Kurt Cobain's favorite album?
A: nomoremind...
And don't forget the hit off the album, Smells Like Gunsmoke

Q) Whats the new singer of Nirvana called ?/
A) Kurt No-Brain

Q) What will Nirvana's next single be ?
A) Bullet in the head ( Rage against the Machine cover)

Q) Follow up sinlge to the above hit ??
A) Smells like Kurts dead .

NIRVANA's last album: IN UTERO
NIRVANA's next album: POST MORTEM

What color were Kurt Cobains'eyes?
Blue.One blew this way,one blew that way.

What's the newest Nirvana releases?
"Kurt Shaped Box"
"Smells like A Rotting Corpse"
"In Bloom: A tribute to Kurt's head"
The new album will be called "Splattermind"

"And I swear that I don't have a gun, no I don't have a gun."
--- Come As You Are
Guess he did.

Q. Why doesn't Kurt Cobain drive a car?
A. He'd rather ride shotgun.

More songs for the Cobain tribute album...
G n' R's "Shotgun Blues"
Mudhoney's "Overblown"
The Beatles: "Happiness is a Warm Gun"

Q: How many members of Nirvana does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Hopefully, not more than two.

Did you hear Kurt Cobain was on the TV? ...and on the carpet, the walls, the furniture...

What was on Kurt Cobain's suicide note? Mostly blood and powder residue...

10. Wanted to repaint wall a nice shade of "Hint of Brain"
9. Ran out of possible 3 chord combinations for songs.
8. Too many listeners beginning to understand lyrics.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try try again...
6. "Which is dangerous, the wooden end or the metal end?"
5. Tried to scratch pesky spot behind ear with shotgun.
4. Damn Fly!
3. "If I don't get this tuned right I'm gonna shoot myself"
2. Playing Solitaire Russian Roulette

And the number one reason :
1. Couldn't figure out "Cinnamon Girl" Solo.

JV> Oh I don't know..... he's sounding much better these days. 

TE> True, his tone has definitely gone down into the dirt.

And here I thought he was just getting buried by the rythum section.

Kurt Cobain had a guitar tech. Sorta like needing pinstripes on an anvil.

Haven't heard of any. Maybe up in Seattle. I did hear that there is a
group out there trying to get the shotgun he used placed into the
rock and roll hall of fame. Seems that that was the best tone he ever
got out of an instrument of any kind!!

LATE BREAKING NIRVANA NEWS

Scientific studies have concluded that Nirvana records contain suicidal
messages when played backwards. Researchers have found that "Smells Like
Teen Spirit" contains numerous backwards messages that urge listeners to
kill themselves. One backwards message includes the unlisted phone number
of Dr Kervorkian's Ethical Suicide Center, while another contains a plea
from Kunt Kobain urging listeners to "do the shotgun."

A spokeswoman for the international Women Against Curt Kobain Organization
(WACKO) urged the record buying public to boycott all those "grunge
groups" from Seattle. That spokesperson said that the word grunge is
actually a derivation of the ancient Mesopotamian word 'grungie' which roughly
translated into modern English means "do the shotgun."

You have been warned. Listening to Nirvana may be very hazardous to your
mental and psychological well being, and should be avoided at all costs.

Since this is being written on the last day of 1994 I feel
obliged to sum up the year in some fashion and to make
predictions about the coming year. (First off, there is no
doubt that in 1995, a Grammy will be awarded for "Best
Contribution to Rock & Roll"... to Kurt Coblain's shotgun.)

...to "All Apologies"

What else can I be?
A splatter mark or three...
What else can I say?
Shotgun shell went through my brain...
What else can I write?
I'm nothing but a blight...
My brain is on the floor...
My widow, Courtney, is such a f*$&ing whore...

Under ground... under ground I can be found...
Under ground... under ground...
WORM FEED....
WORM FEED....

All I am is maggot chow...

Courtney took too many pills because she can't read +800

Courtney took too many pills because she is stoopid +200

Courtney tried to commit suicide and will join her
brain-dead husband before the end of the year. -1300

Frances Bean has absolutely no chance for a normal life
because of the utter losers she has as parents. -2000

All wagers are final and winners will be paid when all
four Beatles hold a reunion concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

So you got bad news?
You were born to lose, Cobain.

Your songs all sound the same,
'cause you're really lame, Cobain.

[chorus]
We don't like,
we don't like,
we don't like, Cobain.

Hey, your life was fine,
why for do you whine, Cobain?

All big bucks and fun,
so you bought a gun, Cobain.

[chorus]
You're an ass,
and a dork,
'cause you whine, (pause)Cobain.

Yes, you love that spoon,
you're a fucking loon, Cobain.

Bought a box of shells,
for a quick trip to hell, Cobain.

[chorus]
Lock and load
press down hard
and Ka-bang,(pause) No Brain!

Little Frances Bean,
your dad's a mouldy green, Cobain

And his fans all whine,
while invertebrates dine, on Cobain.

[final chorus]
He's a dick
Now he's dead,
jump for joy, (pause)No Pain.